How You Doin'

“How are you?” What a dumb phrase. On the surface this pleasantry sounds nice. You see Jane at the coffee maker and she asks, “How are you?” You think, “Jane just asked how I’m doing, she must be concerned about me or at least interested in my well being,” Wrong. Jane may hope you aren’t hemorrhaging but she really doesn’t want to hear about your kids, the lack of sleep you got last night or how your in-laws are driving you crazy. All Jane wants in the response is, “I’m fine Jane. How are you?”

The phrase “How are you?” is thrown around today like a pigskin in the hands of Peyton Manning. It has replaced “Hello” or “Good Morning” as the top office greeting. Not only are we in the habit of saying, “How are you?”, we also reply back with the grammatically incorrect, “I’m good.” or the grammatically correct, “I’m fine.” Are you really fine? What is fine? I think fine is somewhere between shitty and pure bliss?

I guess that is how Budweiser came up with the ad where all the guys in a neighborhood bar ask, “How you doin’?”. Then an out-of-towner walks into the bar. When they ask him how he's doin’, he proceeds to tell them, in great detail, how he is actually doing.

They seem annoyed.
Do me a favor, please stop saying, “How are you?” You don’t really mean it when you ask the question so why ask it? If you are interested in the person’s well-being truly probe for information. Ask questions like:

• What did you do this weekend?
• How did Johnnie perform at the piano recital? Did he play well?
• How is the TPS report coming along?
• What did you discuss with Johnson at 2PM?

Never use the term ‘How’ unless you are specific in your question. “How did Johnnie perform at the piano recital? Did he play well?” begs the person to give you more information and start a real conversation.

If you see someone and don’t want to engage in conversation but want to appear polite just say, “Good morning” “Hello” or “Have a nice day”. This will make you appear courteous but will not get you involved in a lengthy discussion.