No Trust in the Workplace

You think your boss trusts you? HA! Just look around your office. The basic layout screams, “I don’t trust you. If left alone you’ll screw off all day.” You don’t believe me? Let’s look at the empirical facts.

• 65% of employers use Internet blocking software to restrict access to certain sites.
• 50% store and review computer files of employees.
• 55% of surveyed employers retain and review employee emails.
• And the most troubling of all…36% of employers tracking content, keystrokes and time spent online.
  Based on the 2005 Electronic Monitioring & Surveillance Survey by the American Management Association and the ePolicy Institute

I can understand e-mail monitoring and porn blocking, but capturing keystrokes?! Let’s say you are in the dog house. You forgot your wife’s birthday. You decide to type a love letter at lunch time. Not only will your wife know how you feel about her, but your boss will also! I know legally companies can monitor and do whatever they please. But what happened to trust? Will the mice play if left unattended?

Now, let’s look at the less empirical evidence. Take a brisk walk around your office. Pay close attention to where the computer is located in offices and cubes. Most offices have the back of the monitor facing the doorway while most cubes have the screen of the monitor facing the cube doorway (see the photos below). Why the difference? You, as a cube monkey, must always be monitored. Your boss can casually walk past your cube and see what is on your computer screen. Reading your Hotmail? GOTCHA! Looking for an antique rug on eBay? GOTCHA! Typing up meeting minutes? Nice work!

The important folks in offices don’t want us monkeys seeing what is on their computer screens. It is none of our business. They would never aimlessly surf the web or play Hearts. They are too important for such things!

Here’s a bit of homework. Go to an electronic store and purchase a long monitor cable, a long mouse cable and a long keyboard cable. Then, reposition your monitor, keyboard and mouse so the back of the monitor faces your cube opening. You can now work and no one can see what you are doing. Now, watch what happens when a manager walks by your cube. I guarantee that you’ll either be confronted about it directly or you’ll get dirty looks.

Here's another idea; get a shower curtain rod and hang beads so no one can see what you’re doing in your cube. It is like having an office door. I bet you’ll be asked to take them down faster than your manager can say "mission statement".

Here's more anecdotal evidence that there is a lack of trust at work. Take a look at where the offices are generally located. Offices are on the parameter while the cubes are located in the center of the office building. Does this remind you of anything? There is a military strategy called Double Envelopment. You surround the enemy on all sides and attack inwards. The offices, which are filled with the important people, surround the cubes which are filled with us monkeys. Makes you think doesn’t it?

These are but a few proofs that there is no trust in the workplace. It simply doesn’t exist. Then again with sites like The Cube Monkey giving tips and techniques for faking work, I can’t say that I blame them ;-)

Unrealistic Expectations

Most projects are estimated by people who have no idea what they are doing. Many times, it is the sales staff that promises all sorts of amazing things to a client in a very, very small timeframe. The client is awestruck that such a complex project can be done in such a small window of time. The client offers your firm the contract and everyone is happy. The sales people pat each other on the back and inflate each other’s ego. They closed the deal!

The next morning you get called into your boss’ office and he says, “How would you like to lead this new project?” This is an ambiguous question of course. You can’t say, “Well, I just rolled off a large project. I’ll pass. I need a break.” You must accept the new project even though your instincts screams, “RUN!”. He calls in the lead sales person who is still proud as hell that she won the new business. They tell you all about what you need to do in great detail. You think, “Wow, this is a good project.” Then you ask them, “How long do we have to complete it.” They say “Three months.” You shit your pants.

The contract is done. The sales person gets a nice fat commission check. You’re stuck with delivering an undeliverable solution in an unrealistic timeframe. Good luck! You bust your ass to get the project done. If you succeed, you’re rewarded with similar projects in the future (oh joy). If you fail, well, let’s just say you better get your Monster.com resume in order.

It is amazing how many times this happens! The above scenario is not just for a consulting firm either. If you work in any company, unrealistic expectations are “sold” all the time. No one bothers to ask for your opinion until it is too late. Then, management wonders why all projects go over budget. I’ve done project based work for over ten years and I don’t think I’ve ever seen one project over $50,000 be delivered on time or at budget.

You think that organizations would learn to set realistic expectations. You think that after years of failed projects they’d learn. Isn’t idiocy when you do something again and again the same way and expect a different result? It is pure idiocy!

What’s a cube monkey to do? I really don’t know. I’ve personally tried to make changes to no avail. I’ve seen Program Management Offices spring up to fix this problem. All they do is create more overhead and more problems. You, as a cube monkey, have the following realistic choices:

1. Do as the office dwellers tell you. Accept the assignment, work 80 hour weeks, and get the project done. But, please understand that you will now be labeled as the “go to guy” for impossible projects. Do you really want that?
2. Do as the office dwellers tell you. Accept the assignment but don’t try too hard. Work a standard 40 hour week and deliver the project late and over budget. Be ready to get fired after this one.
3. Scream. Shake your fists. Throw shit like real monkeys do.
4. Sit down with your boss and have a frank and open discussion about the challenges of the project and express your concerns. Tell him the project will never be done on time and it is best if you made this aware to the client. Ha, ha! I bet you thought I was serious!

The Rant That Started It All

I posted a rant to a list serve about a year ago. This rant gave birth to feelings of frustration in regards to Corporate America and its idiocy. After reading you will have an idea of what a Cube Monkey is and why I gave birth to this blog. Enjoy! Share your ideas and share this site! We Cube Monkey's must make our voices known!

Please note: at the time I was using the term 'Corporate Monkey'. I switched to Cube Monkey about six months ago.

Some have asked me on-list and off-list about my alias, 'Corporate Monkey'. I've had some time to think about this and compose some thoughts. This may be a lengthy e-mail..So grab a cup of coffee. These are random thoughts in no specific order and please forgive spelling and grammar issues...

First, you must understand that I have a VERY cynical outlook regarding organizations and how they operate. Though I am well read in the latest popular business books and agree with them in spirit, I am cynical of how these ideas are actually implemented (or even if implementation is possible).

One other thing, I am a consultant and have worked in about 12 different organizations in the past 10 years spanning different industries. So I do have some experience with different cultures. There are differences, but there are way too many similarities between companies. It is striking.

Oh…last, last point…Ok, you know I am cynical of corporate America and it is based on my 10 years of consulting. However, I am very pro-business. We need business to operate our society. In fact, I would argue that business is the lifeblood of our society. Despite those who protest the "evil" corporation, I often feel obligated to ask them, "You're against big business yet where did you buy your clothes? That protest sign, where did the wood come from? What about the markers used to write your message? What about the car or bike you used to get to the protest?" The answer the protestor would reluctantly give is ,"I got the wood at Home Depot, the markers at Walmart, the bike at Target and the shoes from the local shop merchant. Then I'd say, "and your opposed to big business how?". But I digress.

I often feel like a monkey at my job. More specifically, I feel like a monkey at a zoo. I don't hate what I do but I don't like it either. There is a certain monotony and drudgery to the whole "work" thing. I get in the same car at the same time each morning and drive down the same road to park in the same parking garage in almost the same parking space each day. I even pass the same people who travel the same route. I drink the same coffee and eat the same protein bar on the drive into work. I cross the same street, go through the same doors and go up the elevators. I don't know which elevator I'll get so that gives me some variety. I get off at the same floor and go to the same desk. Though each day is slightly different in the activities, it is all the same stuff just packaged differently. Project meetings, documentation, status reports, responding to e-mail, listening to voice mail and interacting with other monkeys is all part of the day. The same, everyday. I go home, do what I REALLY want to do, go to bed and do the whole thing over again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I swing from Monday to Tuesday all the way through Friday. Collecting a paycheck along the way. We monkeys interact. Sometimes we groom each other (like real monkeys do) by helping one another. That is nice. Feels good and is enjoyable. Other times, we all throw shit at one another (like real monkeys do). This is not fun and unfortunately happens far too often. The other monkeys I work with put on various facades that I can see through very easily. To the alpha ape (the boss) they act one way. To the inferior apes (their subordinates) they act another way. To apes at their same level, they act yet another way. Being an astute observer, I find the whole process rather funny. Monkeys go around pretending to be monkeys they are not.

I feel like I live in a pseudo-society and am trapped between 9-5 (for me it is 6:30 – 3:30). My cube is my personal cage. I can escape from the rest of the zoo (the building I'm in) by migrating to my cage. In my cage I can browse the internet when my work becomes too mind numbing and I need to regroup. Other monkeys respect my cage as well. When another monkey needs to ask a question, he stands about 1 foot outside my cube. He never enters the cage unless I motion for him to enter. However, the alpha ape sometimes does barge in and makes drawings on my cage wall (my cube white board).

What is the purpose of all of this? To make more money for the company? To make the customer's life easier? Is there hope? I'm not sure. We monkeys swing from project to project doing the same thing over and over again. I've never been given a purpose for my work. Drudgery, that's what it is. Unkept promises try to motivate me. The mission statement hangs in every part of the zoo but no one can recite it or even give a decent bullet point synopsis. The banner is that the zoo is "Employer of Choice". Really? I guess when all zoos are pretty much the same, you can claim that title. Reduced health benefits, 2 to 3 weeks of vacation, a small 6x6 or 8x8 cage (I think dogs at the animal shelter get bigger cages), bad coffee, even worse lighting, flexible hours that aren't really flexible, and so much more! Compared with the other zoo down the street, these fantastic benefits look even better!

Don't get me wrong, there are some good monkeys and even a few good alpha apes. They match the criteria outlined in most popular leadership books. However, from my limited 10 years in the zoo, there are far too few good alpha apes.

How can the zoo be changed? I ask that often. Can one monkey make a difference? I'm not so sure. Why? Well, here are some thoughts.

Monkeys are set in there ways. They are wired by their past experiences. New experiences are compared to past experiences and monkeys assume that a past experiences similar to future experiences will yield the same results. I am guilty as well. My cynicism of the zoo will be hard to change. "Re-organizations" that are intended to make things better really never change much of anything. Everything goes back to status quo after the rally's are over and I attend the countless restructuring meetings. All a restructuring really seems to do is move your cage to a new location where you need to make acquaintances with a new pack of monkeys. Sometimes they even escort you out of the zoo. A downsized monkey. I've never been downsized…so this is not the root of my cynicism.

Unless you can change the mind and heart of the monkey, there is no chance to change the zoo.

So, do I only complain about the zoo or do I do anything about it? Well, as I mentioned before, I am well read. Name any business best seller and I've probably read it. I try to be a good middle managing ape. I attempt to be authentic to my team members. I continually try to improve who I am as a person and as a manager. I try not to compartmentalize my life. I hope I have some impact on those who report to me, but I know they feel the way I do. I can sense it. One person actually spoke with me about the issues I present here. She was in a career crisis. She didn't want to work in corporate America if this is the way it was. I can't blame her.

All the books and journal articles are great, but can there really be change? After 9/11 I thought I was going to see a change. Everyone started talking about what matters most, hugging your kids, being respectful, etc. After we forgot about the towers falling, we got comfortable again and resumed our same patterns of work. I'll admit, the days and few weeks after 9/11 were the best I've ever seen the workplace. People seemed very genuine. The monkeys became people.

How can all us corporate monkeys become human again?