Unrealistic Expectations

Most projects are estimated by people who have no idea what they are doing. Many times, it is the sales staff that promises all sorts of amazing things to a client in a very, very small timeframe. The client is awestruck that such a complex project can be done in such a small window of time. The client offers your firm the contract and everyone is happy. The sales people pat each other on the back and inflate each other’s ego. They closed the deal!

The next morning you get called into your boss’ office and he says, “How would you like to lead this new project?” This is an ambiguous question of course. You can’t say, “Well, I just rolled off a large project. I’ll pass. I need a break.” You must accept the new project even though your instincts screams, “RUN!”. He calls in the lead sales person who is still proud as hell that she won the new business. They tell you all about what you need to do in great detail. You think, “Wow, this is a good project.” Then you ask them, “How long do we have to complete it.” They say “Three months.” You shit your pants.

The contract is done. The sales person gets a nice fat commission check. You’re stuck with delivering an undeliverable solution in an unrealistic timeframe. Good luck! You bust your ass to get the project done. If you succeed, you’re rewarded with similar projects in the future (oh joy). If you fail, well, let’s just say you better get your Monster.com resume in order.

It is amazing how many times this happens! The above scenario is not just for a consulting firm either. If you work in any company, unrealistic expectations are “sold” all the time. No one bothers to ask for your opinion until it is too late. Then, management wonders why all projects go over budget. I’ve done project based work for over ten years and I don’t think I’ve ever seen one project over $50,000 be delivered on time or at budget.

You think that organizations would learn to set realistic expectations. You think that after years of failed projects they’d learn. Isn’t idiocy when you do something again and again the same way and expect a different result? It is pure idiocy!

What’s a cube monkey to do? I really don’t know. I’ve personally tried to make changes to no avail. I’ve seen Program Management Offices spring up to fix this problem. All they do is create more overhead and more problems. You, as a cube monkey, have the following realistic choices:

1. Do as the office dwellers tell you. Accept the assignment, work 80 hour weeks, and get the project done. But, please understand that you will now be labeled as the “go to guy” for impossible projects. Do you really want that?
2. Do as the office dwellers tell you. Accept the assignment but don’t try too hard. Work a standard 40 hour week and deliver the project late and over budget. Be ready to get fired after this one.
3. Scream. Shake your fists. Throw shit like real monkeys do.
4. Sit down with your boss and have a frank and open discussion about the challenges of the project and express your concerns. Tell him the project will never be done on time and it is best if you made this aware to the client. Ha, ha! I bet you thought I was serious!